Sweet Friendship

The other highlight of last weekend was spending three full days with my best friend, Kristin, who currently lives in Bridgewater, Virginia. We roomed together all four years at Wheaton and have been able to connect relatively frequently over the past 11 years since college in spite of always living at least two time zones apart. Since the last time we got together, we've both had children and she's now seven months pregnant with her second. I knew it was going to be good to be together but I didn't realize just how good.

One night we stayed up until 2:30am talking. I cannot remember anything of my own volition keeping me up that late in years but I had no regrets the following morning when I had to get up at 6. We shared the highs and lows of life and laughed a lot. We remembered our ridiculously boy-crazy college days and dreamed of days ahead when our kids know each other. We ate amazing food and did some leisurely shopping at Reston Town Center, the convenient location of the conference. We ate late night take-out in our room, watched The Food Network and read to our heart's content. I was reminded of the things that drew us together in college even though we're both (I think, I hope!) thoroughly different people than we were then. The changes have strengthened our friendship rather than distanced us and that is a gift that is not always the case.

Of course I spaced out and did not take one photo. I can't seem to get it together in the way of capturing memories but if I'd taken a picture, it would have been of us sitting at Big Bowl, leaning over the table to talk like we used to for hours in our college cafeteria, sharing life and encouraging one other. I could not get enough, hence the 2:30am bedtime.

Dramatic But True

Awake. Alive. Renewed. When I think about the long weekend (Wednesday - Sunday) I spent in Washington DC at Peacemaker Ministries' forgiveness-themed annual conference, these are the words that come to my mind. I finally completed the certification process and was honored with a group on Friday night. As I walked on stage and heard our commissioning prayer, tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt alive.

Let me backtrack a bit. In 2004 I started working at Creative Mediation and discovered a passion for conflict resolution. In 2005 I began learning about biblical conciliation and went through several training sessions to develop skills in this area. I ended up meeting God in a new way and my understanding of the gospel and its implications expanded. God spoke to my mind and into the depths of my soul through 2 Corinthians 5 and I will never be the same. Serving the body of Christ by coming alongside those in conflict became a regular occurrence and I saw the gospel come to light in people, in relationships and within organizations. Literally, I discovered that a key element of my purpose on this planet was to serve in this way and my intention was to honor God with these gifts in all aspects of life. Practically, I started a Masters in Theology distance learning program and served frequently, cutting my work schedule down to part-time in order to make space for reconciliation.

Then I had Wyatt in March of 2008 and life changed. The "space" I had before was absorbed with a baby and all of the pressing concerns associated with one. Given the challenges of my health and the daily and nightly energy required to care for a little one, I barely survived the first 18 months. The things that were near and dear to me pre-Wyatt became distant and dried up. Or at least that's how it felt. I grieved the loss of life before Wyatt. When I think back to the things I've blogged about these past two and a half years, I can't help but notice the lack of reconciliation-themed posts. It was not a conscious choice to ignore my heart for reconciliation but it's clear that something changed in me during these years.

And, in a moment, I woke up. My gratitude to God who has reconciled me to himself flooded my consciousness and I tasted joy in who I believe he made me to be. I don't know what exactly this means in terms of my day to day existence but I do know that God is alive and well as the God of reconciliation and I desire again to be part of his work.

Montana de Oro

We took a walk and tried to find tide pools at Montana de Oro this morning. Wyatt's pretty lucky to have a friend who likes to get dirty and run around as much as he does.
As Wyatt and Abby pulled the large piece of seaweed down the beach, Wyatt chanted, "Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork," and I am certain he learned that at preschool.

We love Terrace Hill (and the Petersons)

Last night we ventured up the quick little path to Terrace Hill and enjoyed a beautiful evening hilltop. Here are the boys:
I love how this tiny hike is right around the corner from our house and am especially thankful that I can climb up it relatively easily even on days when my knees and ankles are aching. The night was capped with fish tacos with fish Garett caught on Sunday on his first ocean fishing trip with the boat. On our way down the hill Wyatt asked if Huck could come over to play which pleasantly turned into dinner. We continue to be thankful for good friends who are up for spontaneous activities and meals.

Clean(er) Teeth and a Hike

Wyatt took his first trip to the dentist last week and we were all very impressed with the whole thing. From televisions everywhere showing cartoons, to movies about monkeys getting their teeth cleaned, to the tiger colored cleaning tool that "growled" while it cleaned, to the treasure chest of toys explored at the end, the entire experience was remarkable.Wyatt took his first hike longer hike on Monday. We checked out Johnson Ranch, a leisurely two and a half mile trail, and I think Wyatt walked at least a mile and a half of it. He actually ran for most of that and said that he's a "trail runner". A few people on the trail commented on how brave we were bringing a two year old on this hike but really we just didn't know how long it was. Ignorance is bliss and a nice hike.

Best Sandwich Ever

My folks gave us a good panini maker for Christmas last year and sandwiches have not been the same. While I was pregnant I developed an intense dislike for cold meat and the panini maker is a nice solution when all that sounds good is a sandwich. Here's the combo:

- Start with a nice crusty bread. I've been enjoying fresh Pugliese, which is a rustic bread from the south of Italy.

- A very thin slice of prosciutto. I prefer the Beretta prosciutto from Trader Joe's for its nice cost/quality ratio.

- Fresh Purple Mission figs sliced down the middle and flattened a bit. I load the sandwich with these because they are amazing with a little heat.

- A little crumbled Roquefort cheese on both sides of the fig.

That's it. The next time I make this I may add a little course ground mustard but it didn't really need it. The combination of flavors is exquisite and my mouth is watering a bit as I type. I wish I had a nice photo to go along with this post but it really didn't cross my mind to photograph until it was long gone.

Enjoy!

Big Sur Wonder

We were invited by the Petersons for a weekend of camping in Big Sur and I am not sure it could have been more fun. The beauty of Big Sur takes my breath away and makes me feel lighter on my feet and in my heart. It's also refreshing to spend quality time with good friends. Here are a few shots that capture the spirit of the trip.



After we got home Wyatt said, "Mommy, I wish we had a Vanagon."
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Thank you, God, for Garbage Trucks and Cheez-Its

Wyatt's been venturing into the wondrous world of prayer and keeping a straight face can be difficult. I love that he's beginning to talk to God. Here's today's prayer before our lunch together:

Thank you, God, for making equipment. (Usually he goes through a list of every piece of equipment he knows like backhoes, excavators, dump trucks, skid steers, tractor scrapers, cranes, fire trucks, garbage trucks, etc.)

Thank you, God, for making green beans and guitars and garbage trucks and boxes. (I thought he must have learned the art of alliteration during his first week of preschool but then he threw in boxes.)

Thank you, God, for making Fidel and Humberto. (Fidel and Humberto pick up our grey trash can on Fridays between 10 and 11am and Wyatt adores them.)

Thank you, God, for Grandpa and Grandma and Jesus. (I had to check in afterwards on whether he said Jesus or Cheez-Its. Last night he corrected me when I said, "Yes, thank you for Jesus," and he said, "No, Mommy, Cheez-Its.)

Amen

It's interesting how the things we are thankful for evolve over the years. Hearing Wyatt's unedited prayer encourages me to do a little less editing when I talk with God. I'm also reminded of the gift of knowing the source of all that is good and the joy that comes through expressing gratitude to our maker.

Holly took the video below this morning. You have to turn up the volume to hear Wyatt's shrieking.

Yipee!

Today Wyatt and I both had our first day of school. As I've been explaining to him, he goes to school with kids and his teacher, Cindy, and I teach the grown-ups in another class. He's attending the Cuesta College Children's Center that is right on campus and conveniently located next to the building where I teach. I could not be more impressed with all of it and am very grateful that he gets to be part of the school.
We had a meeting last week where Wyatt got to check out the classroom and meet his teacher. He's been talking about her non-stop since. He also likes to talk about Mo the bunny who lives in the play yard. This morning he woke up at 6:30 asking if today was the day for school. I was encouraged to set aside an extra 30 minutes to stay with him on his first day to help with the adjustment. I wasn't expecting it to be too big of a deal but Wyatt has been warning me saying, "Wyatt might cry, Mommy," when we talk about school. Thanks for the heads up.
So, we get to the door of his classroom and he says, "Bye, Mommy," and waves me away. I have to go in with him to set his lunch down and help him wash his hands but he's leaning in for a goodbye kiss and hug almost immediately.
As I see friends who are parents post on Facebook about how sad it is to drop their kids off at school, I can't help but wonder if I'm the only parent who is absolutely thrilled to be in this new stage. There is no part of me that is sad or longing to go back in time. I am simply thankful that he's becoming more and more of himself and that I get to be part of that process. Seeing him walk into that classroom with a bright smile, knowing that his curiosity will be enhanced and his social skills will be developed is pretty much all this mom needed today. Thank you, God, for the gift that is preschool.

Wyatt's First (Real?) Dream

So, Wyatt's probably had gobs of dreams but this is the first one that sounds legit. Usually I ask him in the morning or after a nap if he's had any dreams and every time he says that he dreamed about dump trucks and skid steers. Every time. You can see why I'm not so sure.

Today I heard him wake up from his nap and talk to himself for about 15 minutes. I finally came in and he began telling me a very detailed story. There was a little bit of fear and wonder in his voice and on his face. He said that he was stuck in a dumpster and a garbage truck came and dumped him into the garbage truck. It was filled with lots of very gross things like poop. Finally a guy came and got him out.

He seemed genuinely thankful to be in his cozy bed and almost like he was trying to figure out what had happened. I love his sense of amazement at something like dreaming that I completely take for granted. And I'm not surprised a bit that it was a garbage truck that made the cut.

Best Weekend Ever?

I don't know where to begin describing last weekend. I dislike gushy and generally roll my eyes when people go on and on about their fabulous life. It brings out the cynic in me. In spite of being thrilled when my friends and family are happy and healthy, I think I just prefer to relate through reality filled with highs and lows instead of the only and always sunny. However, as I write, my cheeks ache from smiling so much and my heart is brimming with life. Be forewarned: I'm about to gush.

We had some good friends in town for a couple of days and it was a treat. One might think that four adults and three kids in our modest two bedroom and two bathroom abode would make for a challenging visit but it was the absolute opposite. The kids enjoyed each another, we ate good food and did a lot of laughing. The best part of the weekend was taking the boat on its maiden voyage.

I didn't grow up boating but my dad bought a ski boat when I was in college and I got hooked. It's been several years since I've been out on the water but as soon as the wind was in my hair it came right back to me. The rush of zooming across the lake with the warm sun in my face took me back to Garett and my dating days when we used to ski all summer. We found a little cove at Lopez Lake and swam to our heart's content. Wyatt and Ava jumped off the boat with wild abandon and all was right in my little corner of the world.

We took the boat out again Sunday evening with just the three of us and Wyatt caught his first fish. I don't think Garett could have been more proud. While they fished, I curled up in the cozy cuddy and read.

The beautiful thing is that the lake is just 20 minutes from our house. We can go up after work for just an hour or two or spend a night or two "camping" in the boat. There are three other lake options within about an hour and I foresee hours and hours of joy in our future.

Wyatt caught his first fish but he's not so sure about it. Perhaps it's the size? This fish thankfully made it back into the lake in one piece.

My beautiful friend and her equally beautiful little one.
Wyatt likes to drive the boat.
Think they are related?
The cozy cuddy in the front of the boat.
The prince slaying the dragon for the princess. We are still remembering Ava fondly when we find little bits of sparkle dust from her Belle dress that I think she'd sleep in if she could.
He's totally checking her out. Eyes up, Wyatt, eyes up.
Trying on butterfly wings in a kid's retail store.

The Road

Last weekend we took an impromptu road trip to Salt Lake City to pick up a boat. We didn't bring home a boat but we did have a good time. Here's a rundown of the highlights:

- In a moment of dire hunger and a strong desire to use a non-gas station bathroom, we settled on Cracker Barrel for dinner one night. Wyatt checked out the kid's menu, pointed to the Chicken and Dumplings picture and asked for tofu. Sorry, Sweetie, no tofu at Cracker Barrel. Yes, Waiter, we are from California.

- A 10:30pm swim in an indoor pool in Fillmore, Utah. It was our most fun family swim yet.

- We spent Saturday night in Primm, Nevada, the last stop in Nevada before hitting California, at Whiskey Pete's. As I was waiting in line to check-in behind multiple people carrying huge cases of beer, Wyatt scrambled around the casino barefoot. (We left his shoes at a cool spot between Zion and Bryce called Buffalo Grill where I had my first taste of bison and Wyatt got to run around on the expansive lawn.) Garett found him climbing up to a seat in front of a slot machine and said, "Wyatt, this seat is gross," after noticing a big wet spot right in the middle of cushion. Wyatt replied, "It's okay, Daddy. Wyatt licked seat." My stomach still churns at the thought.

- Zion National Park and Bryce Canyon National Park. I'm still in awe of the beauty of God's creation. We didn't do much other than look and take a very truncated, 15 minute walk into Bryce Canyon but it was just right.

- Spending the night at a family friend's home in Las Vegas and getting to know their two Great Danes named Prince and Jett. Wyatt called Prince "Princess" the whole time and announced, "We don't ride dogs. We only ride carousels."

- The battery life of our Macbook.

- After an agonizing decision to not buy the boat in Salt Lake City, we found another option online in Ventura and took a different route home to check it out. Three hours later we were boat owners and Garett will be picking it up tomorrow.

We spend a lot of time these days chasing around Wyatt and this trip was no exception.

I asked Wyatt to get cute and here's what I got:
We took a short "hike" into Bryce Canyon. Notice Wyatt's ideal hiking footwear, Crocs. I'm happy to report that he did not roll down the steep cliff like he wanted to.
My two handsome boys at Buffalo Grill.

A little shut-eye

I'm hesitant to even put this in writing for fear that it will cease to be. Wyatt has been sleeping in later than usual and I have never been more happy. Both days over the weekend he slept until 8:15. I'm attributing it to the new blackout curtains and his general activity level during the days. It's difficult to put into words the difference this makes in our day but it's remarkable for both of us. We're both better rested and seem to deal with life a whole lot better when we're not exhausted.

I'm not bragging, really. I'm being thankful for what is rather than what isn't. I can easily make a list of all of the challenges too (He still eats dirt and now licks the soap off his body during every bath. Again, Pica? He opens the fridge and cracks eggs into kitchen bowls. He whines and whines and whines and doesn't understand why saying, "Please," one hundred times in a row does not get him what he wants every time. He picks the unripe summer squash off the plant, the one I've been dreaming of for at least a month. Aside from "please" his favorite word combination is, "No, no, no, no, no." Need I go on?) but am learning how to revel in life's highlights a bit more.

If I had a picture to go along with his post, it would be of me, waking up at 7:30 to no alarm or shouting child, spending a little time alone with my cup of coffee topped with frothed milk and reading a non-children's book.

Ever Seen Crazy Heart?

I watched Knight and Day in the theatre on Friday and Crazy Heart at home on Saturday. While Knight and Day was a light hearted escape in the form of action and a little romance, Crazy Heart was a spectacular film.

Let me tell you a little secret. I love watching movies in the theater by myself. I started doing this the year following college because I worked at an ad agency right near two fantastic theaters and it was easy to stop in for a movie on my way walking to the El (or the "L", it seems to be quite the debate) after a long day. I like the ease of seeing something on a whim and the quietness of being by myself in a big, dark theatre.

The first time I went by myself I was a little self conscious. I was worried that someone might think I was a loser with no friends. I now realize the absurdity of caring what strangers think of me. There are far less opportunities these days to go to the movies by myself but I found myself with a little extra time and the need to escape reality on Friday. Knight and Day hit the spot. Tom Cruise was surprisingly enjoyable in his role and Cameron Diaz's beautiful but overly animated face did not entirely ruin it.

Last night we rented Crazy Heart and I'm still thinking about it. The acting and filmmaking were spectacular and I was deeply drawn into the story of Bad Blake, the washed up, substance abusing country star with a penchant for absentee parenting and rich song writing. It felt like a combination of The Wrestler and Walk the Line, borrowing the best elements of each. Jeff Bridges gave the best performance I've seen in quite some time.

My favorite moment came when he returned to the home of his love after going through a residential treatment program for alcohol. Their last contact was when he lost her four year old son at a mall while getting a quick drink at a bar. This bottoming out experience led him to rehab and he was soon knocking on her door asking to be forgiven and back together. She immediately gave him a resounding no and the camera closed in on his face after she closed the front door with finality. In this moment, one wondered if he made all of the changes in his life for himself or for her in hopes of winning her back. The look on his face perfectly captured the despair of knowing that in spite of his new lease on life she would never be with him again. What will it be? McClure's Whiskey or continued sobriety without the love of his life?

I have this option in front of me sometimes even though I have the distinct benefit of having Garett by my side. Although whiskey is not my drug of choice, I recognize the real choice between a path that leads to life and a path that doesn't when life is not as I wish it was. I can choose to bury my head in the sand, distract myself or pretend that it's not that bad or I can choose to know God more and honestly pour out my disappointment to him, trusting that he is enough. One option leads to numbness, the other to a soft heart that feels deeply.

Beyond Embarrassing

The other night, Garett and I tuned in to the end of The Bachelorette. I was a rubbernecker and could not take my eyes off the train wreck that was Jake and Vienna's breakup. Admittedly, I did not watch any of their television season but I have seen other Bachelor seasons so I know how the show works.

I feel like a small disclaimer is required. Two things: First, I am in a pretty reflective state right now (yes, even more than usual) so I'm not entirely surprised that I had a break through moment while watching The Bachelorette. I'm partially blaming this awakening to an email I received last week from iVillage with the subject "Eye Rolling is a Predictor of Divorce". Second, it's really embarrassing to draw any comparisons from their relationship to mine, but I am getting over the embarrassment and going ahead with the post.

I can't imagine breaking up on television. When I think back to the myriad of breakups over my many years of dating, I shudder to think of a camera rolling during or after any of them. However, it's very, very interesting to be a fly on the wall of someone else's breakup.

Having read Love and Respect and Intimate Allies (both Christian marriage books), I saw some familiar themes reflected on the TV show. Jake was asking (or, demanding, frankly) to be respected and Vienna was begging for love.

The entire show pretty much went like this,"You don't respect me."

"How can I respect you when you don't love me?"

"How can I love you if you don't respect me?"

And back and forth and back and forth.

When I first read Love and Respect about five years ago, I didn't really think it was a good book. It seemed formulaic to me (My biggest pet peeve with most Christian books is an easy how-to list promoting one way of doing something and that following said list guarantees a certain outcome.) complete with a labeled how-to diagram. But I think the authors are onto something. While I think our degrees of need for these two things vary from partnership to partnership, there really is something unique about a man's need for respect and a woman's need for love. And there's definitely something to the way we spiral out of control when we are not extending love and respect to one another.

I also saw some serious anger and control issues. And, sadly, I can relate. I have been really struggling with my desire to control Garett. In theory and even in reality, on a good day, I delight in him as he is, including all of the ways that he is different than me. But often I spend an inordinate amount of time wishing he was more like me. This desire eeks out in the form of anger, impatience and disinterest and I'm ashamed to admit it. I interrupt him far more often than a good listener would. I say things like, "What's wrong with you?" when he doesn't turn the right page while we're reading with Wyatt. (This actually happened and I have no idea where it came from, but it was horrible.) I choose to read lame websites rather than talk with him at the end of the day.

Somehow seeing this broken relationship on television woke me up to my brokenness in a new way. It's embarrassing that I could see parts of myself in this needy, nagging woman. It's even more embarrassing that I could see myself in the smug, detached man as well. I suppose it's called reality television for a reason. It's easy to call these folks absurd and extreme and snicker at their inability to love well. It's more difficult to admit that the patterns reflected in their conflict are not so far fetched. On Monday night, after I got over the mockery, my heart softened and was inspired to invite God into some of these areas to shine some light.