Dependence and Interdependence

I spent another couple of days in San Diego earlier this week meeting with Sheryl for spiritual direction. My head and heart are still spinning as I try to make sense of our time together. I began this journey with the intention of learning how to grieve losses in life but it turns out there are many factors, spiritual and emotional, that inhibit my willingness and ability to grieve. To peel back those layers takes time, energy, honesty and a big dose of courage. I lack those often but Sheryl helps create gracious space where God gives me just what I need to face up to realities in my heart and mind.

Underneath my deep commitment to keeping a smile on my face is a raging river of independence otherwise known as pride. River of independence sounds much more attractive but there is nothing lovely about about a spirit of highness, thinking I know what is and isn't and perhaps even thinking I can do God's job. Whatever you call it, it's the part of me that actually believes that I can do it on my own. "It" changes depending on the day but it's the extreme opposite of dependence and interdependence the two ways God calls me to be in this world in relation to him and others.

I'm thinking about dependence and interdependence in a new way this week. Matthew 26 offers an interesting look at Jesus' dependence on the Father and interdependence with Peter and company. Jesus shared his sorrow with Peter and prayed three times to God also sharing his sorrow and making a request. Jesus' example speaks to me, as I tend to retreat spiritually and relationally when life is difficult. I keep waiting to be on the other side of all this but perhaps that's not the goal.