Evidence

We had a few friends over today for a mini birthday celebration. It was a lovely morning to play outside and we even had a few conversations that lasted longer than two minutes. A friend took these pictures (Thanks, Amanda!). Josh, I thought you'd especially appreciate Wyatt's cool shirt. And I'm glad to now have a photo of Wyatt with dirt on his mouth. When he's older and I tell him that he used to love to eat dirt, it will be nice to have actual evidence of this stellar phase.

More Pictures - Garden and Good Times

Some Pictures

We spent Easter with some new friends and Wyatt got to experience his first Easter egg hunt.
We've spent the last couple of weekends working in the yard and planting our first garden. Garett built a few raised beds and we found two feeding troughs at the local farm supply store. The highlight was the large amount of dirt dropped off in our driveway. Wyatt's never been as dirty or happy. He liked to climb up to the top of the pile and slide down on his belly. It's too bad that I don't have a picture of Garett using the wheelbarrow to bring all this dirt from the driveway to the backyard because it was pretty impressive. All I really contributed was some measly shoveling and keeping an eye on Wyatt while he tried to eat globs of dirt. Yes, I still do a lot of finger sweeping.

Anger and San Diego

I wrote this a few weeks back but forgot to post it. Here it goes again...

I'm beginning a journey with a Spiritual Director and she lives and practices in San Diego. Instead of going by myself, we decided to attempt to make a fun family weekend of it. We drove down Friday night and spent a dreadful night in a hotel room with Wyatt. On more than one occasion Garett and I found ourselves huddling together in the pitch dark bathroom as we tried to trick Wyatt into staying in bed. He discovered the ability to hurl himself out of his travel bed and only (thankfully) stopped after a minor injury. (I'm feeling bad about not putting the "thankfully" after minor.)

After a rough night, Saturday was a breeze. We spent the morning at a boating and fishing show in Del Mar. Garett was in heaven and Wyatt liked the jumping dogs and large fish tanks. After a two hour nap, we swam in the hotel pool and Wyatt pretended to jump into the pool like the dogs we'd seen earlier. We found a small brewery called Pizza Port in Solano Beach and enjoyed some tasty brews.

All in all, it wasn't that thrilling of a day but it did such good for my soul to have a bit of adventure. I'm the sort of person who likes to wake up in the morning and then decide what sounds good. I crave spontaneity and am energized by the unknown in most every situation. The simple act of being in a new town without a plan gave me a taste of a "the-world-is-my-oyster" feeling and I love that feeling. I tend to move toward risk and get bored with repetition.

Sometimes I think I fear boredom in less than healthy ways. I can tell by the fact that I mix up my shower routine almost daily just to make sure I'm not in a rut. Admitting that makes me feel a little crazy.

I spent Sunday morning at my appointment and Garett took Wyatt the San Diego Zoo. My heart was full and that allowed me to enter into the spiritual direction process from a better place. I'm learning new spiritual practices (for me, these are becoming refreshing opportunities to connect with God other than my standard reading the Bible, praying for things, and worshiping at church on Sunday morning) and how to grieve.

I've written about this before but it is worth repeating. I struggle with facing up to reality, especially in terms of painful things that are very different than what I was hoping for in life. In my commitment to be a person who deals with things well and is not a burden/downer, I have not even been honest with God about how angry I am. And I am angry. So, I'm learning the simple act of being honest with God and myself. After a particularly intense time of basically shouting to God all of my feelings (mostly anger and sadness) surrounding my health, I realized just how much of this I've been carrying, probably since about age 15. That's too long. And what's really sad is that I have not believed that God is the kind of God who wants to hear from me about this and meet me in the pain. Getting to know God in new ways is bringing light and life to my heart in addition to renewed hope in the goodness of God.

Who's Smarter Than a Two Year Old?

This happened a few weeks ago and I've been meaning to write about it since. Garett and I woke up on a Saturday morning to Wyatt screaming, "Mommy, Daddy, come!" A few minutes later he started frantically yelling, "Poop on hands!" We popped out of bed and immediately went into his room. He was not lying. He also would have not been lying if he had said, "Poop on pajamas. Poop on bed. Poop on floor surrounding bed. Poop on blankets. Poop on sheets. Poop on stuffed animals."
The next day he did the exact same thing. And we did the exact same amount of laundry and sterilization.
By Monday, I was conditioned better than Pavlov's dog. As soon as I heard Wyatt shout, "Poop on hands!" I ran into his room. I found Wyatt standing in his bed holding his clean hands in the air. As soon as I entered he said with a smile, "No." I hate it when I'm outsmarted by a two year old.

Guilt, Pica or Both?

Wyatt's started hiding his eyes with his hands when he's done something he knows he shouldn't. He does it in the moment and then again when I come in to talk with him after a time out. It's interesting. I've been asking him why he covers his eyes and today he said, "Wyatt don't like what Wyatt do." Yes, my boy, I understand. Now, if only I can get past my frustration and disgust after finding him lying in the stagnant, muddy water in the front yard licking up the wet dirt and, instead, see the beauty in Wyatt's developing conscience.

A Revealing Moment

Today we had breakfast/lunch at Big Sky. It's currently my favorite restaurant so it was a nice treat. They are consistently great with kids and that makes it a whole lot easier to enjoy a meal out. Midway through our meal, a woman a few tables away pulled her son away from the table and marched him over next to ours to talk with him "privately". She was very close to us so there was no way to avoid eavesdropping. As she finished, my heart swelled with emotion and my eyes filled with tears. Garett and I were then able to have a good talk as we continue on this new, rocky road of becoming parents.
What she said to her four year old son is inconsequential but I will say that the words, "You are really embarrassing me," were part of it, as well as an intense tone that sounded mean from my vantage point. The words, tone and look on the little boy's face rushed over me like a gust of wind on a blustery day - a gust of wind holding up a full-length mirror into which I could hear, see and feel myself. I hope I'm not a mom who looks down my nose at other parents. Rather, I can deeply relate and appreciate the perspective sometimes found when I'm on the outside rather than in the heat of my own parenting moment.
Garett and I talked about how we hope to be parents with Wyatt. We can both feel ourselves getting impatient when he does something (i.e. lick up mouthfuls of sand from the outdoor sand table) for the umpteenth time and we're trying to figure out how to send the right message to him about what is and isn't good for him. We're struggling at finding a consequence that fits the behavior and helps him learn something from his choices. We both agree that making him fearful and obedient out of fear is easy (or easier) and effective in the short run but not really the point in the big picture. But it's a challenge to not use fear as a manipulation tactic to generate behavior that is less embarrassing and more controlled. This is especially tempting with my sensitive boy.
I'm not saying that good behavior doesn't matter, we just hope it's not our main goal. Nurturing Wyatt's heart and loving him in a way that helps him develop his character and, hopefully and eventually, learn to love God and people is the main goal. It's easy for me to get off track with this and allow my own shortcomings of pleasing people or finding significance through achievement dominate my parenting style.
Garett and I recommitted ourselves to be a team as we approach this nurturing process. We have different styles and Wyatt needs them both. We also agreed to continue seeking out ways to demonstrate and generate love not fear (Wyatt's or our own). Part of that entails honestly dealing with areas of our lives where anger is brewing. Another part is noticing when fear is leading us to a certain path and that love might lead us to a different one. It's messy and definitely not a cut and dried formula to guarantee a perfect kid (Is there one of those?) but we are trusting that God is going to give us what we need in each and every moment and that I John 4:18 is true.

A good rest

When Wyatt's done with a nap, I usually go into his room and ask him, "Did you have a good rest?" He's come to expect that question and now leads off with, "Wyatt good rest, Mommy." Not feeling well the past few weeks, I've often been napping while he naps and I tell him when I lay him down that I'm going to be sleeping while he's sleeping. Last week, as I entered his room after a nap he asked me, "Good rest, Mommy?" It was sweet and caring and I love seeing his heart expanding.

Rules are meant to be broken

Wyatt's birthday party was a good time. He's quite a social boy and anticipated his party for days talking about each and every guest he hoped would attend. He seemed to enjoy himself and I definitely enjoyed having so many of our friends in the same spot. We ignored the whole "invite the number of people for the year the kid is turning" rule and had about 30 guests.

We made chocolate orange cupcakes that were generally a hit other than the one eight year old guest who informed me that chocolate and orange do not go together.
Wyatt ate with his usual gusto and was disappointed when the cupcake was gone.

This little cutie is Huck. Wyatt especially likes his name because it rhymes with tow truck.

Check out Lauren in the lower right corner wearing her pretty pink party dress and a hard hat using the excavator. This is my definition of a good party.
Here's the food table about two hours in. We made Barefoot Contessa's Grilled Lemon Chicken Skewers with Satay Dip and Sunset's Caramelized Pear and Sage Crostini. I also served Trader Joe's Coconut Curry Chicken Sticks to eat with the Satay Dip. A cheese tray with Gouda, Brie and Stilton with Dates and Oranges rounded out the menu.
I have a little book that we are hoping to have people write in each year when Wyatt has a birthday. We had our family write in it last year at his party. I mostly started it because keeping track of things is not my strong suit (nor is sentimentality, for that matter) but it's also going to be a great way to see how Wyatt's community evolves over the years.

Happy Birthday Wyatt

Today is the big day. I think Wyatt was mostly excited that it's Friday and today is the day that three gargage trucks pick up the garbage cans on our street. We sat down for pancakes, at his request, after Sesame Street.

After taking one bite out of a pancake, he decided that the pancake was a whale swimming in the ocean. The next bite revealed a wallaby hopping around. A rocking horse came next. And, finally, a tractor was born. The next pancake went from a bear to a goat to a guy. I love seeing his imagination develop and getting a sneak peak of what is going on in his mind.

We just visited our neighbor, Gail, who has two cats named Polly and Colby. Wyatt likes to visit Gail daily but mostly to play with (i.e. chase and harass) the cats. She is kind and lets us come around back to meet her at the sliding glass door off the backyard. Polly and Colby were the #1 and #2 requested attendees to Wyatt's second birthday party. We also visited our other neighbors, Mike and Linda, who have a lovely Koi pond and waterfall in their backyard.

I think we'll aim for an early lunch followed by a trip to the zoo. The last time we went it was rainy and most of the animals were inside hiding from the rain. After the zoo, we're headed to Turlock for a quick weekend visit. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm sure my mom has some special plans for my two year old boy.

A Corner Has Been Turned

After I got home from work today Wyatt and I went downtown to walk around. We ended up at Big Sky for a Grilled Thai Shrimp and Cucumber Salad and strawberry pancakes. Wyatt also filled up on the jalapeno cornbread mini muffins. The boy has not met a carb he doesn't love.

So, what corner has been turned? In addition to deeply loving Wyatt, I now like him too. Today as we were sitting together, enjoying lunch and coloring the place mat, I realized how much I love my boy. He is a delight. He's probably been a delight for awhile but I'm finally able to notice.

My heart is full and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Thank you, God.

My boy last night

He's officially a big boy. As he's reminding me daily, he's almost two. Last night we took a short walk around the court. He's in such an explorer phase right now. Everything is fascinating to him. He stopped for a millisecond for me to take a picture and you can see how pleased he was to cease motion. I am so grateful that he's growing up and am especially enjoying getting to know more of him every day.

A Theme?

There is a lot of three-way cuddling going on in our house but I can't seem to get in on the action.

Happy 8.5 Garett

We spent the weekend celebrating Garett's 34th/8.5th birthday. We visited the zoo, checked out an amazing house on 20 acres, walked on the Port San Luis pier, ate brunch on the patio at Novo and slept in our front yard in a tent. I should rephrase that. Garett and I spent the night in the tent. Wyatt only lasted about an hour and ended up inside in his crib. And Garett and I only made it until 4:30 when we both agreed it was a little too cold to last a few more hours.
One of my best memories of my childhood is sleeping in the backyard. I don't remember pitching a tent very often but mostly dragging out my sleeping bag and sleeping under the stars on the grass. Sometimes I would have a neighbor friend spend the night with me and other times my dad would join me. A frequent occurrence was waking up to the sprinklers soaking my exposed head. My dad always promised that they were off but I think he liked hearing our squeals in the morning and we always had a good laugh. The thought of waking up to sprinklers now sends shivers down my spine and exhaustion through my body. But, as a young girl, I loved all of it. And not getting a good night's sleep was the least of my concerns.

New Look

I found a new look for the blog. The green was slowly killing my enthusiasm for life in spite of the fact that it's my favorite color.